I have good portraits that when applied B&W filters, or when edited in any other way, they produce an objectively good looking result, but the portrait itself looks too "tryhard" or "forced". Some portraits just give me an unnatural feeling when I edit or retouch them, but I cannot pin down what characteristic in my portraits makes some "edit worthy" and some not (but still good photos none the less).
The contrived posing stands out as "trying too hard". If you want the best out of your subjects, get them comfortable being their authentic selves and capture them as they are.
This takes developing comfortable relationship with the subject, gently guiding them on what looks good on camera, and making feel good about themselves.
I do a fair amount of executive headshot/heads-and-shoulders portraits. CEOs, politicians, and other male "executives" can be rather reserved and conservative. They'll come to the session with an "image" in mind that sometimes really doesn't work for them.
If I followed their direction, they would appear as stiff, overly formal, and aloof. I try to engage in small talk, learn about their passions and personalities, and generally make them comfortable. Then the camera and lights come out. I direct them and pose them in a way that brings out as much as their authentic selves as appropriate for the type of portrait.
Portraits are not about photography, they're about the photographer's interaction with the subject. Look at the two images you've posted: relatively attractive women in caricatural poses. Can you think of a natural situation in which these women would stand like this?
Good portraiture is natural, at least within the context of the photo. Sure, there are great, crazy portraits, but the entire image is crazy, the subject is crazy. In your photos, you have unexceptional people, clothes and scenery - the only weird thing is the pose.
Remember, the subject interacts with the photographer, and through the photographer, with the viewer.
Look at the masters for inspiration: Helmut Newton, Avedon, Penn, early Leibovitz, August Sander, etc. Not random photographers on the internet, who probably know less about what they're doing than you do.