The trick here is that it is a professional device. This is almost a question that I think would fit better on UX, but the key is that what is good design on a phone is not what is good design on a camera. A DSLR, particularly high end ones, are professional tools designed to do one thing and do it excellently. That is, take photos, at as high quality, as quickly and easily as possible while giving the photographer as much or as little control as they need over the process.
In that regards, a modern DSLR has outstanding technology. The autofocus is constantly advancing, new features are constantly added to support better color and contrast via on-board processing. Major advances are being made in coordinating multiple flashes with RF based flash sync. Light sensitivity is constantly increasing. The technology that matters to taking a great photo and pushing the envelope for the field of photography is constantly pioneered by DSLRs.
As for the things you ask about specifically, many of them are secondary to the needs of a photographer or even run counter to it. The UI is basic, but informative. The interface is designed to be used with a single finger from a control stick that doesn't require moving your hand from the shutter. As such, it can't be some big fancy, flashy, battery and processor hogging touch ui. It would be a waste of battery and would be counter-productive to the professional photographer since it would require moving away from the shutter to use. This addresses both points 1 and 3.
In fact, the My Menu functionality is great because it allows a quick menu to be made for ease of use and customization for the photographer. Additionally, a HUGE amount is customizable on a good DSLR. I can reprogram just about every button on my 5D Mark iii to do what I need it to do. I have a one button help system that will refresh my memory on what any feature or setting does on the fly as I need it. Thinking about it from the key areas of what's important to a photographer, does the UI really still sound so primitive?
As far as built in wi-fi, I think we may see this more, but ask any pro photographer if they would rather have wi-fi or more cache to support longer burst shooting, or simply a lighter camera body, and the answer will almost universally be the latter. It's a nice to have feature in some cases, but also unnecessary in far more. When you want a device to be as small, cheap and low power as possible, throwing in excess junk is not a good design decission.
Instead, you see it provided in high quality modular component such as wireless sync hardware or the Wifi syncing SD card. Modularity is a big part of DSLR design so that a rig can be modified for the needs of a particular situation instead of trying to do one-size-fits-all, jack of all trades master of none. That's what point and shoots are for.
As far as a full fledged OS goes, the same argument applies. The OSes on a modern DSLR are extremely advanced, purpose built systems that run against custom hardware that provide the absolute best performance in the cheapest package with the least overhead. Quite simply, running Android on a DSLR would result in sub-standard operation, a waste of battery and would be a major net-negative for the usefulness of the device.
Finally, as far as screens go, you are simply wrong. Screens on high end DSLRs are some of the best screens around. They will generally favor color accuracy over vividness, but the screen on my 5D Mark iii is exceptional. What you do see is that for a $600 DSLR the screen isn't that great, but that's because it is a $600 DSLR. The other components are more expensive than a $600 smartphone and the majority of the budget goes in to the sensor and processing hardware, where it should go. You aren't going to get a screen that rivals your $600 smart phone in a $600 DSLR, but when you get in to the $3500 DSLRs, you get even better screens.
I hope that helps clear up some of the misconceptions and shows why the initial (if overly blunt and unclear) response was simply "have you ever used a DSLR." It all just comes down to what's important for a DSLR and the design decisions are made based on that which is why DSLRs are loved by those who use them. It is also why DSLRs are not the ideal option for everyone. This is particularly true of high end models where they are actually "harder" to use than a cheaper model, but far more powerful for someone who knows how to use them.